Words to the wise: After no drinking at all for a fortnight, do not REPEAT NOT fall off the wagon by going to a Beer Festival and starting with a cheeky half of 8% abv Barley Wine. Do not follow that up with a variety of Milds, Bitters, Ciders and Perrys. On absolutely no account respond to “ooo that’s the last dregs of that barrel. You can finish that off for nowt if you like?” in the affirmative.

Remember, you are not a witty and erudite foppish Lord Byron character. You are a beardy drunken twat who is slurring his words and having trouble operating his coat.

Jesus. it’s back to my teenage theme only this time the sort of Hangover I used to get after a night out when I was 17. Never Ever Ever again